


My Aspirations

by Go_To_Space



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Fluff, Horror, M/M, Murder, Scary, Serial Killers, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-15 04:09:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_To_Space/pseuds/Go_To_Space
Summary: Harry was the perfect victim and Louis was perfectly content not having any reason not to kill him. And then he had to go and be too perfect and ruin Louis' plans. So what is Louis supposed to do now?Or the one where Louis wants to kill someone and then Harry walks in the room.Multi-chapter fic about louis' journey to self discovery





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all ain't ready for this. It's about to be crazy. Buckle up, bitches. It's gonna be a wild ride.

I’ve thought about doing it for a long time. No, I’ve KNOWN I was going to do it for a long time, but I could never decide to who. There have been plenty of opportunities but none of them ever seemed like the perfect one. But what WAS the perfect one? I didn't actually know, since I’d never really thought of a sort of demographic. Women? Men? Kids? Celebrities? All of them were a viable option. Well, maybe not really celebrities. I’ve seen what happens to people who try and get celebrities. They almost always get caught and the consequences for things like this are quite ugly.

I can only imagine what’s running through the mind of the person who’s reading this right now. What could you possibly think I’m going to do? Kidnap them? Hurt them? Prank them? Find someone to love? Worse? No, none of those things. Especially loving them. I could never love anything. I probably never have and probably never will. Besides, no one has ever loved me, so why would I love them back? There’s just no point. But anyways, I’m sure you’re just dying to know what I want to do. Or is it obvious already? My name is Louis… And I want to be a serial killer.

 

Yes, you read that correctly. No typos here. It's a little shocking, right? Of course it is. It’s not every day that someone tells you they want to kill someone, let alone many people. I’ve never killed anyone before. Nothing human, anyway, but I'll get to that shortly. But I want to. I don’t think I’ve truly wanted anything more in my life. It’s become my obsession. Much more than a hobby. It's a part of me. And you’re probably wondering where this obsession began? Well, I’ll tell you. It started when I was 6, In 1999. I’d noticed something strange about myself before. I didn’t really seem to care about anything living. I didn’t cry when my dog died or when my dad almost died in a really bad crash. I didn’t feel anything towards it at all. It didn’t affect me, really. But what did I know? I was still in kindergarten and all I cared about was Spongebob and Sesame Street. But anyways, it started on April 20th, 1999. My mother flipped onto the news channel on our old, crummy box TV when she learned the news of a horrid shooting going on in an American school that day. 13 people were shot dead and like 24 were hurt really bad. And then afterwards, the two culprits shot themselves. And even at my young age, dark and twisted thoughts swirled around in my head. All I could think was “what if I did that?” I didn't tell anyone that, of course. Even when I was that young, I knew thinking like that was wrong. But I couldn't stop.

I thought the idea of being able to make another person cease existing entirely was fascinating. Mind blowing. There was nothing like it. I thought long and hard about it, about what it would be like and what would happen to the person after they died. At the age of 10, I began to wonder if there were other people who thought this way. Luckily for me, we had a computer! Which was surprising at the time because we weren’t the most wealthy family, since it was just me and my mom living in a bummy flat in Doncaster and it was 2002, so computers weren’t exactly cheap. Buy anyway, we had a computer so I decided to do some research, and my prepubescent brain was absolutely blown away by all the people who killed people just because they could. I read up on a man named Rodney Alcala, who killed women back in the 70’s in America. I read about Ted Bundy, and John Wayne Gacy, and Jack the Ripper, and countless others who spent their time taking the lives of others. I thought that having your name be known to so many people was crazy, But I thought he was stupid for being caught. I thought that I was so much smarter than him; that I’d never be foolish enough to get caught when I killed somebody. And that’s when it hit me. “When I killed somebody.” It was already decided, even at that age.

 

At the age of 12 in 2008, I killed something for the first time. Not an ant or a spider or anything like that. I liked to wander the woods around my house. And that's where I found it. A bird, clearly injured, lay on the ground, flailing and trying to get away from me. A simple house wren. After a moment of squirming it stopped to catch it's breath and we made eye contact. I don't know if birds are intelligent enough to understand eye contact or are able to feel connections like that, but I felt something there. This was a chance made for me. I didn't hesitate. The small creature may as well have been laying under a bright neon sign that flashed the word “opportunity.” There was no harm here. I was just going to put it out of its misery. It was the right thing to do. I picked it up with one hand by it's soft and tiny body and carried it deeper into the woods, being careful not to crush it in my hands before I got to the fun part. I dropped the bird onto the forest floor and got to work. 

I worked slowly, plucking a few feathers off the tiny bird here, poking and prodding it with a stick there, and just listening to the scared and agonized sound of a living creature desperate to keep living. This was truly magical. But it wasn't enough. I was growing bored with this insignificant thing. The poking was and prodding was the foreplay. I was ready for the next step. I pulled out the pocket knife I had found in my basement, and held the bird down as still as I could. My hand shook as I brought it closer to the bird's neck. I was practically panting like a dog and drowning in my own sweat. It was the most intense feeling I had ever felt in my life. Finally it was time. 

I rested the blade on the neck of bird and slowly began to apply more pressure and saw back and fourth. There was a split second of squealing and then dead silence. I watched in almost shock as I watched blood soak it's brown feathers and the life as it slowly left the bird’s eyes, glassing them over as it did. The frantic movements quickly became slow and there was no fire behind it. Seeing it fight so hard to live was beautiful. Orgasmic even, if I'd have known what that even meant at the time. I stared at the bird for a long time, long after it had ceased it's movements entirely and stopped functioning entirely. I stared at the blood on my fingertips from holding it down. 

I let out a sharp exhale, taking a few slow steps back and checking my surroundings. My god, I had just killed something! The adrenaline kicked in out of nowhere and fell right on my ass. I was in absolute shock. That was crazy. Insane even. And I wanted to do it again. I stared into the eyes of the bird. Eyes that were no longer looking back. I turned on my heel and ran straight home. I didn't look back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly happy with this chapter, but I'm really proud of the next two, so patience is key here! It's short, but enjoy anyways!

When I was 15, I tried dating. Key word being "tried." I'd probably only touched the cold surface of what really dating is, not that I'd really know. But it was about time in my life to find out. Puberty had hit, I was lonely, and I decided to try to put the serial killer thing behind me. But it didn't really go far. It was always there, breathing over my shoulder, whispering into my ear and saying what I didn't think I wanted to hear. I couldn't ignore it and it drove me crazy at night. Always reminding me of what I've done, and what I still wanted to do. But whatever, dating. I wanted to try it. Maybe telling someone what I'm thinking will help me not go crazy. It would help me seem normal. And if I ever got tired of them, I could just kill them. I forced that last thought out of my head. "I could just kill them?" What the hell is wrong with me? Besides. I couldn't tell anyone about my absolutely rancid mind. They'd lock me up in a heartbeat.

I never really knew who exactly I could date. I didn't really talk to anyone and talking to new people didn't exactly peak my interest and I wasn't good at it anyways. I probably didn't even have a true interest in dating in the first place, I probably just felt obligated to because I was young and hormonal. And everyone around me was doing it, so why shouldn't I? But I still felt lost in regards to who I would try and talk to, and it seemed like all hope was lost for me in the dating scene until she came to me.

Her name was Eleanor. Eleanor Calder. She was preppy, pretty, popular and 100% out of my league. Captain of the volleyball team and she had guys drooling over her 24/7. I had no idea how to talk to her because I didn't talk to anybody besides my parents, and I hardly even talked to them anymore. But for some reason she came up to me out of the blue one day and sat with me during lunch. It didn't feel right at all, kind of like when someone sketchy tries to talk to you because they want to borrow money or something. It was just wrong. She didn't say anything, just quietly ate her lunch and looked up at me from under her long, false lashes every so often like I was supposed to say something first. The curious look in her eyes was starting to get on my nerves. But once again, this screamed opportunity for me. Maybe she thought I was cute and wanted to see if I had a personality to match. Spoiler: I didn't. I stared at the table for a moment before finally looking up at her. 

"Um, hi." I said awkwardly, probably looking like an idiot with this look on my face. I was afraid my voice would fail me but to my surprise, she immediately lit up like a Christmas Tree and she smiled back at me.

"Hi! I'm Eleanor. You were sitting by yourself so I figured I'd sit with you and keep you company." she introduced. Her voice was too sweet. Like the kind of voice you would use if you worked at a kids store or something. I could feel unnecessary comments bubbling up in my throat like bile. I could never help having a cocky attitude, it was just who I was. I could never really control what I said. I gave the girl an almost incredulous look, her sweet smile faltering a bit.

"Yeah? How's that going so far?" I asked her. She bit her lip, blushing at my rudeness and my sudden cockiness after appearing so shy and reserved. She fanned her face a little bit, the humidity of the room and also my attitude clearly bothering her a little.

"U-Um, well, I think it's going okay..." she said, awkwardly scratching her face out of discomfort. This was already a ridiculous no-go. How was I supposed to work with this? I had no game and she was too sweet for my shitty humor and fucked up attitude. This was going nowhere fast. I wanted to end it right then and there. She was too nice. I couldn't do this to her, I'd probably ruin her life. Not like I truly cared. I couldn't care about anything. Yeah, fuck this. It's not worth it anymore.

"Please go away." I said dryly to her. Her entire face scrunched up, in surprise. Her mouth fell open and she quickly closed it before she ended up catching something unpleasant inside. She fumbled over words for a moment, deciding what to say.

"What?" she said stupidly. She probably wasn't used to people telling her to straight up go away like this, but I wasn't having it today.

"Please go away." I repeated, confirming whatever suspicion that she had. Even so, she made no move to complete my request, which annoyed me. I wasn't much for the persistent type. 

"Why do I need to leave?"

"Because I asked you to."

"That's rude."

"How is that rude? I asked nicely." I shot back. She furrowed her eyebrows, a frown stretched across her face. She crossed her arms as she scurried out of her chair, grabbing her bright yellow purse as she did.

"Louis Tomlinson, you are a fool!" she spat before walking away briskly. I didn't even watch her go. She was the fool if she thought she could try and fix me or something. I was broken far beyond repair. There was no fixing me. Maybe it was good for her that she left. I could have easily killed her. Somehow lured her into the woods or to my house and just fucking killed her so easy. Just like that. I looked up for a second. She was still within earshot. It would have been so easy just to call out to her. Apologize for being silly and bring her back. She probably would have came, too. Just assumed I really was having a rough day and sat with me again. It could have been so easy. But it wasn't right. Not yet. I let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read. Next chapter up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while, eh? I put a lot of effort into these next chapters. Please enjoy!

I (almost) picked up my first offense when I was 17. At this point, I'd finally come to accept the fact that something was severely fucked up with my head. Something was wrong with me and I probably could only fix it one way. It wasn't a matter of if I killed someone, it was a matter of when. But it wasn't time yet. I didn't know when the time would be right. But I knew when the time was right, I'd be able to feel it. So I was patient. I was combatting my violent thoughts with anything I could. Singing, writing, football, anything. 

I ended up being really good at football and being the star athlete of our high school team. I still freaked everyone out because I was weird and didn't say much but people seemed not to care as much. Although, the rest of the team wasn't so nice behind closed doors. They were very good-natured on the field but as soon as we hit the locker room it was hunting season and I was the pray. But I didn't let it wear me down. I was good at controlling my temper. And they never picked legitimate fights with me. At least nothing 1 on 1. I never knew why I didn't want to kill them. I could never pinpoint any one reason. Maybe it was because I felt they weren't worth my time. Or maybe it was because none of them were right. The time wasn't right. Not yet. 

I had also taken up joining the school's chorus in my last year of high school. I auditioned for the jazz ensemble and was surprised to have actually made the cut. I never picked up any solos but I was still satisfied just being in the choir. I liked singing. I even ended up making a friend in the jazz ensemble. His name was Niall. The first day I showed up at jazz, Niall introduced himself to me right away. I already knew who Niall was due to his very noisy and extroverted personality. I could hear him laughing from the other side of the hallway, he was just so... Loud. Regardless, Niall was a pure soul, but that also made him gullible. Stupid, even. And as harsh as it sounds, Niall was stupid. Clearly, since he hung out with me. 

"Hi! Niall Horan!" he'd said to me the first time I'd met him, his hand extended outward to shake mine. I raised an eyebrow as his gesture. Did people even shake hands like that anymore? I didn't know. Maybe he was the wise one and I was just super out of date when it came to social skills. I slowly reached my hand out and shook his hand. His grip was too tight. He shook my arm as if he were trying to rip it off. He gave me a big toothy smile when I awkwardly returned his handshake. His teeth were slightly crooked, and were held together with clear braces that were hard to see if you weren't outright looking for them. Everything about this kid so far screamed "annoying." But over time I'd learned that it's better to just live to learn with others if you wanna fit in even a little bit, so I smiled warmly back at him.

"Louis Tomlinson." I said back. Niall's eyes lit up.

"Tomlinson? Oh! You're the captain of the football team, right?"

"Yeah, mate."

"That's really cool. I wish I played sports."

"You don't play any sports? What do you do?" Niall bit his lip and blushed at my question.

"Eat a lot." he said sheepishly. I snorted

"Oh yeah? That's funny. I like Nando's." I said. Niall once again lit up like a light.

"Me too!" he said excitedly, unable to keep a cheesy grin off his face. And from that day on, Niall talked to me every day. He found where I sat, by myself, in lunch and sat with me then, too, and just blabbered on about anything and everything he thought about that day. Niall was just as annoying as I expected but there was something about his aura where I just couldn't help but smile back at him. It was just so... Cute.

I caught myself there. Cute? Really? That's gay. I scoffed and shook my head. I wasn't gay. Or maybe I was, I don't know. That wasn't really important to me at the time. I'd never shown even a moderate amount of interest in a living thing before. I felt my lips curl into a twisted smile. This was it. He was the one. I felt it deep inside me. I wanted this. I was going to kill Niall Horan. I felt my heart rate skyrocket and my face heat. My adrenaline always got the better of me and I probably looked like a mess when it hit me but that was okay. I was happy. 

"Hey, Louis?" Niall asked me one day out of the blue. I put my head up from my lunch and looked at him. 

"Yeah?"

"Who are you taking to prom?" he asked. Prom? I hadn't even thought about my prom or even bought my ticket. I didn't even really want to go, since social interaction wasn't my cup of tea. I scoffed out loud.

"Are you kidding?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows. Niall furrowed his eyebrows in response.

"No, why would I be? I'm taking Barbara but you're still coming with us. Do you have a date?" he asked again. I sighed.

"Niall..." I trailed off. He knew exactly where I was going with that. I did not want to go to prom.

"Come on, pleaaaase! Please, please, please go to prom!! I'll buy your ticket and everything! You can ride with me and Barbara pleaaaassee!!!" Niall begged, clapping his hands together like he was about to pray to the gods that I'd say yes. It was irresistible. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay fine- FINE! I'll go to prom... And buy my own ticket. I'm not going out of my way to find a date, though." I gave in. I couldn't help it. Niall had a certain quality that made it hard to say no to him. And thinking about it after, prom presented to perfect opportunity to commit the perfect murder. I could kill him there. And there would be 500 suspects but no one to point the blame at. It was genius. I smiled again. This was gonna be good. Niall smiled back at me, unaware of the malicious intent behind mine.

Time went by quick and prom was here before I knew it. I had my tux, which I spent next to no time trying to pick out. It was a simple black color, with a dark red tie to go with it. Niall showed up at my house in his dingy, gray car. It was decorated with way too many balloons and the word "PROM" written on the side with messy blue paint. It may as well have said "BROKE" instead because that was basically what it meant, since Niall complained on and on about being too broke to afford a limo or a party bus (and not having enough friends for it anyways..) Niall hopped out of his car in a blue tux, and Barbara stepped out of the passenger side in a dress that was the same color. The dress was strapless and long. The color was a strong blue that faded to white at the bottom. They both looked really fancy.

Niall was absolutely giddy, as usual, literally jumping up and down like a kid.

"Louis! Louis! We're going to PROM!" Niall yelled in my ear, shaking me as he did. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I know!! Let me go, you knob!" I laughed, shoving Niall backward in a kind of brotherly way. Barbara waddled over in her heels and hugged Niall. She laughed, leaning in and pecking his lips. 

"Wow, forty seconds in and I'm already a third wheel?" I scoffed, causing Niall and Barbara to both laugh. I had gotten a little better at interacting with people over the year, and apparently I was pretty funny. That, or there was something wrong with Niall's head because he was always laughing around me.

"Of course not! Can we take a picture so we can go?" Niall asked. I obliged, wanting to get a move on here. My mother scurried down the porch stairs and went up to Niall, pinching his cheeks and calling him adorable. Niall barked out an uncomfortable laugh and a thank you. My mother scrunched the 3 of us together and snapped countless pictures before shooing us off. Niall drove, with Barb in the passenger seat and myself in the back. The drive was quick, and full of Niall screaming the lyrics to Fergie songs and Barbara struggling to keep up. 

The entrance was uneventful, and people gave the three of us incredulous looks. Oh, correction. People gave me incredulous looks. Probably for showing up with another couple without a date. Clearly third wheeling as hard as humanly possible. It didn't really bother me though, I was so excited I could cry. I was gonna have a good ass time and then kill a guy. A good night for sure. I smiled.

"Oi, Zayn!" Niall yelled, dragging us over to the punch table. I'd only heard of Zayn before from Niall, but I'd never actually met him. My jaw literally dropped for a moment when I saw him. He was so attractive, it was disgusting. His jaw was strong enough to slit my throat with. His chin was littered with stubble and his eyes were so beautiful I thanked the lord we didn't make eye contact or I may have died on the spot. I could feel a boner coming in. I quickly averted my eyes and stared at the table, analyzing the low-quality paper that was over top of it. Shit, maybe I was gay. Zayn laughed at the sight of Niall, the pretty blonde tucked under his arm giving us a tight smile.

"Niall! Lookee here!" Zayn giggled, his eyes darting quickly around the room before he whipped a small flask out of his breast pocket. I raised my eyebrows out of surprise. I've never drank alcohol before. Which is surprising, having been friends with Niall. Niall let out a snort as he poured some into a cup. Half filled with punch and then some type of whiskey that gave off a cinnamon-like smell.

"Here!" Zayn cheered, shoving a cup into Niall's hand and pouring some whiskey into it. Niall chuckled nervously.

"What's in this?" he asked, looking into a cup. Zayn rolled his eyes.

"What? You think I'm gonna roofie you? It's Hennessey, bro!" Zayn said, taking a sip from his cup. Niall did the same, his face contorting into a foul expression. Zayn smiled proudly from ear to ear. I don't think I'd ever even seen Niall this giddy.

"Here, Loueh, have some!" Zayn cheered, his accent thick when he said my name. I shivered, a chill running down my spine. I really hated being a hormonal teenager. I gaped as Zayn put a cup in my hand and poured some whiskey inside. I didn't hesitate before taking a swig. The taste was rough, burning my throat all the way down to my stomach. I let out a gross cough, failing to be at all discreet. Zayn and Niall let out howls of laughter.

"I've never drank before." I choked, wiping my mouth with my sleeve. Zayn clapped me on the back, as if we were mates or something.

"What gives, Zayn? You never share." Niall said, gesturing to our cups. Zayn snickered, pouring himself another.

"I'm feeling generous. Besides, I've got more comin'! Barb, you want some?" Zayn asked. Barbara shook her head.

"No, I don't really like drinking." she said. That surprised me as well, considering she was dating Niall. 

And then, it happened. Two hours and 8 shots worth of Hennessey later and I was in a far away land. I felt moody, clumsy, giggly, and dizzy all at once. I kept forgetting what I was doing, often walking over to an activity and then turning right back around without a word. It was frustrating, but I was having a good time. Sometime while I wandered aimlessly, I lost Niall and Zayn. I frowned. Where were my friends? I laughed out loud at the thought. They weren't my friends. I was literally going to kill one of them. I nearly squealed when I remembered. Both out of terror and excitement. I checked my watch. 10:46PM. The dance ended at 11:30PM. I had to find Niall soon or I'd miss my chance. 

I sent him a text, which said "ehere are you?" including the typo, which I chose to ignore. The reply was instant, like he was already on his phone.

"goin to thr bathroon, meetthere?" he replied, including the typos. I smiled devilishly, feeling excited. I could feel my adrenaline start going as I felt in my pocket for my pocket knife, smiling when I felt the cool metal touch my fingertips. I waltzed into the bathroom, where Niall stood at a urinal. Niall turned slightly to see who was there and then turned back to focus on his business.

"Hey, Lou, I was thinking we could take off after this. Go to Zayn's or something and party. You up to it?" Niall asked. I began to approach him slowly, taking the knife out of my pocket. This was happening, oh my God, it was actually happening! I was sweating.

"Yeah, sure. Where's Barbara?" I asked, keeping him distracted as I approached closer and opened the knife. Niall hummed.

"I think with Perrie? Zayn's lady? Not sure, really." he admitted sheepishly. I took one final step forward. This was it. No going back now. Sorry, mate.

Then it happened. One of the other stalls swung open and hit the wall with a bang. I looked over to see a guy staring at me in horror. He'd caught me with my pants down here. Knife in hand and about to kill the only person who's ever shown any interest in me. And somehow, even now, he still had no idea what I was about to do. In a panic, I crammed the knife in my pocket but it was too late. Without any word, the man charged me, tackling to the ground.

"What the fuck?" Niall yelped, zipping up his pants as quickly as he could and moving to try and pry this guy off of me. I brought my knee up under his chest and shoved forward. The stranger flew back and into Niall, knocking them both to the ground. Niall scurried back a few feet, clearly terrified as hell. I flew to my feet, along with my attacker.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I yelled, shoving the guy. He ruined everything! And he saw! I was royally screwed- absolutely fucked. I was gonna go to jail for attempted murder and never see the light of day again. I was mortified. 

"I saw you! You were gonna-" I cut him off by punching him square in the jaw, causing him to recoil a few steps. I was not letting this happen. Not today. I was 90% sure security was on their way to either throw us out or wait until the cops showed up. The guy ran at me again, fist in the air. I caught his arm and twisted until I felt a crack under my grasp and his arm was bent at an awkward angle. He let out a blood-curdling scream as I let him go and pushed him into the side of the sink. He stumbled back until he hit the mirror, shattering it all over him. 

"Fucking shit, Louis! What the fuck!" Niall yelled from his spot on the floor, grabbing fistfuls of his hair in a panic. I took slow steps back, unsure of what to do. I had had never hurt anyone like this before. It was scary, but exhilarating. Like I just went skydiving and now I'm kissing the ground that is my sanity after I touch down. 

"I-I-He..." I stuttered, unable to even come up with words to justify myself. I quickly rushed to the stall the attacker had been in, dropped my knife into it and flushed it. I couldn't let anyone see it. That's when the door burst open and the cops rushed in, pinning all of us to the ground. I let them without protest. Niall, not so much.

"Come on, I didn't do anything! Let me up!"

"Stop resisting!"

"But I didn't do anything, that guy attacked us for no reason!" Niall wailed. It was no use. They hauled all three of us out of the room and off to jail we went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read.
> 
> I'll add a question to boost comments, heehee.  
> If you had to choose between Harry and Louis who would you choose?

**Author's Note:**

> Another chapter coming soon! You don't meet Harry yet but he'll make a hell of an entrance when you do.


End file.
